


Keep Breathing

by in_a_pynch



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood and Injury, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, POV Ronan Lynch, Pre-Relationship, Richard Gansey III is a Good Friend, Robert Parrish Is His Own Warning, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28830261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_a_pynch/pseuds/in_a_pynch
Summary: What if Ronan hadn’t looked behind him the night that Adam left home? Canon divergence about what could have happened if Adam had to face his father all on his own, and was found later by Ronan.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 22
Kudos: 148





	Keep Breathing

**Author's Note:**

> TW for wounds caused by abuse. Not an unhappy ending... but not quite a happy one either?

Ronan pulled his car back into the gravel driveway at Monmouth, adrenaline still roaring in his ears from the race.

Fuck. He was still so _mad._

There were certain kinds of anger which Ronan could race out of his veins. Anger at Declan. Frustration with Aglionby. When Gansey decides to become his fucking keeper, for example.

But his anger with Robert Parrish… now _that_ was the kind of anger that Ronan couldn’t solve with any degree of recklessness, racing or otherwise. No, his rage with Robert could flow from a low simmer to boiling over, but the burner never truly went out. Ronan beat the steering wheel with his fists before leaning his forehead on the cool leather.

_He’s fine, Lynch. It’s the same old bullshit that it’s always been. Adam will show up to Latin tomorrow with fingerprint-shaped bruises on his wrists and a vacancy in his eyes, but he can fight his own battles._

How ironic that the only person Ronan ever lies to is himself.

Despite knowing he should, Ronan couldn’t bring himself to get out of the car and face Gansey’s cheerful façade when they all _know_ what goes on back in that goddamn trailer. No, if he had to deal with that right now Ronan would put his fist through a wall.

Instead, Ronan pulled back out of the driveway, vowing he would only drive around for another 20 minutes or so. Gansey was probably too absorbed gluing toothpick-sized streetlights into mini-Henrietta to notice his absence, anyway.

He rolled the windows down and forced himself to think of other things. Things like

_God, I don’t want to go to school tomorrow. How likely is it that Declan would skin me alive if I dropped out?_

(Very likely.) Or

_I wonder if Chainsaw would learn to do tricks if I tried giving her treats like a dog?_

(Probably not.) And then

_I wonder if Adam’s mom actually watches Robert beat the shit out of him or if she has the common courtesy to fucking leave the room ahead of time._

_Fuck._

Despite his plans, Ronan found himself in the very part of town he promised himself he wouldn’t go. He slowly drove his BMW past the long driveway leading to the Parrish’s trailer. Ronan shut his eyes and recited the same words he had been telling himself all night.

_There’s nothing I can do. Adam is fine. By now he’s probably working on that English essay that he’s been talking about all week. You need to get a fucking grip, Lynch, because Adam is—_

Ronan slammed on the brakes.

_What the fuck is that?_

Ronan rolled down his window to peer at the mass laying halfway in the ditch along the side of the road.

_Oh my god is that a person?_

Ronan didn’t bother to close the door behind him as he scrambled around the car. Kneeling down, he barely even noticed the hard pebbles pressing through the rips on his black skinny jeans because all he could think was—

_That’s Adam’s shirt no no no…_

Rolling Adam over onto his back, Ronan felt ice-water cut through his veins. Adam’s dusty hair had turned crimson, his tanned skin blemished by different shades of red and purple. He was so still.

Ronan set his ear to Adams chest, praying for some semblance of life, but before Ronan could get his bearings, his vision went spotty with vertigo, his mind thrusting him unwillingly into a scene from years past.

The garage at the Barns. Concrete under his knees. The same BMW by his side. Cold Floor, cold heart, cold body _not again not again please not again…_

Adam groaned. Ronan choked back a sob in his relief.

“Adam? Hey Adam can you hear me?” Ronan lightly slapped Adam’s face, careful not to jostle his head too much, but knowing if he let Adam slip too far back into unconsciousness that Ronan finding him alive wouldn’t have made a difference. “Hey fucker. I need you to wake up!”

Adam groaned again, dazed and confused eyes flickering open slightly.

“‘Ro?”

And damn if Ronan didn’t nearly laugh with delirium because _I’m not too late, thank God I’m not too late._

With this realization, Ronan regained feeling in his fingers, the gray halo that came with flashbacks receding from the edges of his vision.

“Yeah, yeah it’s me, Adam. You’re going to be okay, just.. I need you to stay awake for me, right now. Do you think you can do that?”

Adam didn’t acknowledge his words, but he didn’t close his eyes, either. Ronan would take that as a win.

_Okay. Think Ronan. Listen to his breathing first to make sure it’s steady._

Ronan shifted up towards Adam’s head, putting his ear close to Adam’s mouth. In spite of himself, Ronan could tell that beneath the coppery scent of blood there was still traces of car oil and men’s deodorant. It was one of Ronan’s favorite smells in the world and he hated himself for noticing it at a time like this.

_Focus, Lynch. Right. He’s wheezing slightly. A bit slow but at least it’s steady. Next priority should be to stop any bleeding, that head injury needs addressing first._

Ronan did a quick mental inventory of anything in his car he might be able to use for a bandage and, upon coming up with nothing, took off his white muscle top, silently thanking his father when he pulled out his pocket knife, a gift on his thirteenth birthday, and cut the fabric into strips.

“I don’t have any first aid equipment, Parrish, so this’ll have to do for now,” he muttered through gritted teeth as he tied the shirt securely around Adam’s head. As he worked, Ronan forced the panic and worry to the back of his mind, recognizing that it would only make things worse.

_Time to compartmentalize, Lynch. You’ve been doing it for years…_

He wiped the sweat off his face, recognizing that his hands were bloody enough to smear red across his forehead, but too preoccupied to care.

_Okay. Adam said his dad had a gun. Check for gunshot wounds._

Ronan gently slipped Adam’s Coca-Cola shirt up his torso, finding no bullet holes but cringing at the damage none the less. A mess of black and blue ran up Adam’s right side. No bullet wounds but, _fuck,_ Ronan spotted a jagged cut bleeding freely on the side of his stomach.

_Not clean enough to be a knife. A shattered beer bottle maybe? Whatever it was, it cut deep…_

Ronan pressed what was left of his shirt hard into Adam’s side to stop the bleeding, and Adam gasped back into reality, sputtering on air and wheezing harshly. _Definitely broken ribs. That would explain the breathing._

“Hey Adam? Adam can you understand the words I’m saying? Can you understand me?” Ronan spoke deliberately slow into Adam’s right ear, the left side still slowly staining the fabric red. Adam gave another quiet utterance of pain, and Ronan figured that was about as good of a response as he really could expect.

“Parrish, I need to call an ambulance, and my phone is in the car, so I need you to not move for a second.” Adam’s eyes had begun slipping closed again, so Ronan snapped his fingers in front of Adam’s nose, forcing them open once more. “Hey dumbass, I also need you to fucking stay awake so you don’t get permanent brain damage. Can you manage that?” Adam said nothing, but his eyes stayed cracked open, if not focused. Ronan would take what he could get. 

Ronan pushed himself to his feet, experiencing a quick head rush from all the adrenaline, but recovering quickly. Swinging open the passenger door, Ronan riffled through the glove box.

_Dammit I know it’s in here. Please be in here… aha!_

Ronan dialed. _Come on, come on come on…_

“911, what’s your emergency?”

His brain went on auto-pilot as he rattled off answers to the operator, pinching the phone between his ear and his shoulder. He focused hard on keeping track of Adam’s pulse with one hand, pushing the fabric harder into his side with the other.

_God, he’s lost so much blood._

“Sir, he’s going to be okay but I need your focus, can you confirm your address?”

Ronan hadn’t realized he’d spoken out loud. He confirmed the address.

In that moment, all that mattered to Ronan was that the paramedics were on their way, and that Adam was still gasping faintly. They said ten minutes. Just ten minutes. Adam had to make it ten more fucking minutes. It felt like an eternity. He leaned his face closer to Adam, speaking more for his own sake than for Adam’s.

“Adam they’re on their way, I need you to hang in there, okay? They’ll be here soon,”

Ronan slipped his fingers between Adam’s without really thinking, but it felt right and he couldn’t bring himself to let go.

_What can I do? Fuck is there anything else I can do? What would Gansey do? Fuck, Gansey can make this better, right? I have to call Gansey..._

Ronan picked up his phone again, this had to be some sort of record for him.

He dialed. Voicemail.

_Fuck._

He dialed again.

_Oh how the tables have turned, hmm Dick? You chewed me out for not answering literally fucking yesterday. “What’s the point of having a phone if you don’t answer it, Ronan?” Well Dick—_

The mailbox beeped, interrupting his train of thought. Suddenly, Ronan realized he had no idea what to say.

“It’s Adam. He’s—” Ronan’s voice broke, and he hated himself for it, “He’s hurt.” Ronan’s words echoed around his head, heartbeat rattling in his ears. “Just… call me back Gans.” He hung up.

Adam had gone from pale to ash gray. He looked like he wasn’t breathing.

_Fuck he’s not breathing oh my god oh my god…”_

“Oh no you don’t Parrish.” Ronan once again slapped Adam’s cheek gently. Then a bit harder. Nothing. “Adam you can’t do this to me you absolute dumbass! I need you to be awake. I need you to _breathe._ ” Ronan used his thumb to lightly lift Adam’s eyelid. Blue eyes usually so filled with life, glazed and unresponsive. Panic rose in his chest as Ronan felt for Adam’s pulse. Nothing… nothing…

There was a faint flutter against his fingertips, and Ronan could have cried. _Fuck, his breathing is so shallow…_

“Adam. I need you to keep breathing. The ambulance is on it’s way and I swear that if you… If something happens to you before they get here I will sing The Murder Squash Song at your grave every goddamn day.” Semi-hysterical laughter burned like acid in his throat. “This isn’t an idle threat and you fucking know it.” Ears buzzing. Eyes blurring.

_Fuck there isn’t anything I can do. I need him to breathe and all he’s giving me is this wheezing and there’s nothing I can do!_

Ronan held Adam’s hand impossibly tighter, raising it to his lips without thinking and speaking with his lips brushing Adam’s scraped up knuckles.

“Adam do you remember what you said to me in the hospital? Do you remember after Noah found me and brought me to the hospital? Yeah, well, remember when you thought I was sleeping how you held my hand and told me that I was a goddamn idiot but you needed me around and if I did anything stupid again you’d hate me forever. Well ditto, fucker, because I can’t lose you…”

Ronan leaned forward, forehead against forehead, nose to nose.

Adam wasn’t breathing anymore.

And then there were flashing lights in the corner of his vision. Sirens. Medics pulling him backwards, separating Ronan’s hand from Adam’s. Ronan asking a million questions, receiving no answers.

“Is he okay?” Nothing. “Is he breathing?” Nothing. “God is he- fuck, is he alive?” _Nothing._

Just moving bodies. Urgent voices all around. Vision blurring as a minute and an hour passed all at once.

_Not even time works when Adam’s not around…_ Ronan caught himself thinking

Finally, _finally_ , Ronan’s eyes focused on one of the paramedics, now standing in front of him, concern in their eyes.

“We have his breathing stable and his side bandaged, but we suspect a punctured lung. We’re going to take him to the hospital to check that out and also keep him on oxygen, at least over night. He likely won’t be awake for a while, but you can meet us at the hospital.”

And with that, Ronan set down the weight of the sky, but he couldn’t bring himself beyond a numb nod and thick swallow. The medic squeezed his shoulder, smiling gently before they jogged back towards the ambulance, Adam already inside.

Flashing lights and sirens again, this time as the ambulance sped in the opposite direction. Ronan couldn’t move. The lights faded from his vision, leaving echos on his eyelids. Ronan couldn’t move. Sirens faded into cicadas and wind in the trees. Time passed. _Ronan couldn’t move._

“Ronan? Ronan!”

He _knew_ that voice, he had to know that voice, right? Ronan still couldn’t move. A worried gaze and furrowed brows inches from his own. _Why can’t I move?_ Warm, calloused hands on the sides of his face. His eyes focused.

“Gansey?” Ronan managed.

“Yes, Ronan. Oh my god, yes. Are you okay? Where are you bleeding? Where is Adam?”

Ronan listened through syrup. Muffled sounds rather than words.

_I can’t understand what he’s saying._

“Ronan, can you hear me?” Gansey’s voice now bordered on panicked.

Ronan blinked. Once. Twice.

His knees buckled. Ronan was halfway to the ground before strong arms grabbed his own and slowed his fall. And then Ronan was crying, body shaking sobs and tremors shaking his entire body as he lay in the gravel.

Gansey gently propped Ronan into a seated position, wrapping him tightly in his arms.

“Shh. Shhh. It’s okay Ronan, it’s going to be okay. Just… I need you to breathe.”

And, _g_ _od,_ hadn’t Ronan _just_ said that to Adam?

Somehow, this shocked Ronan out of his daze enough to whisper a quiet “okay,” inhaling and exhaling deliberately slowly. Silence for one minute, two, nothing but the sound of two boys breathing. On the third minute, Gansey spoke again, softly this time.

“Ronan, please, are you hurt?”

Ronan realized for the first time how he must look. Shirtless, absolutely covered in blood, standing alone on the side of the road. He began to laugh hysterically, shaking his head no as he cackled into the night, unable to offer a further response. Finally, Ronan gathered himself enough to answer, turning his upper body to look into Gansey’s terrified eyes.

“No, no it’s Adam. His fucking father. Broken ribs, possible punctured lung. Robert bashed the side of his head in. Fuck.” Ronan sucked in a breath as if he had forgotten the joy of oxygen. “He stopped breathing. He actually stopped breathing right in front of me and _god_ it almost happened _again,_ Gansey.”

Ronan looked up at Gansey’s eyes to see if he was following. One glance and he was sure Gansey knew exactly what Ronan meant. 

Ronan had known Gansey long enough that Gansey didn’t risk pity or empty condolences, not now, not ever. Instead, he did what Gansey always managed to do, look forward.

“Where is Adam now?”

“In the hospital.”

With these words, Ronan felt like he had been struck by lightening. “Oh my god I’ve taken so long, I said I would follow them to the hospital! Fuck I have to go.”

Ronan pushed himself to his feet, making two determined strides towards his BMW before the earth rose to meet him in his urgency. Luckily, Gansey was faster, grabbing Ronan’s shoulders to steady him.

“No. You’re not fit to be driving anywhere right now.”

“Bullshit.”

“ _No,_ Ronan. Get in the Pig. I’m driving. You can fight me on this, but every minute you do is one minute farther away from getting to see Adam.”

Ronan glared. “That’s playing dirty, Dick.” But even as he shook his arm free of Gansey’s grasp, he marched towards the passenger side of the Pig. Gansey stuck close behind until Ronan was safely deposited in the passenger seat, just in case Ronan wanted to go three for three on fainting that evening.

Gansey slammed the door to Ronan’s BMW, indicating Ronan should lock it while he climbed into the Pig’s driver’s seat.

“Okay,” Gansey declared, “Let’s go see Adam.”

**Author's Note:**

> Considering writing a second part to this, let me know your thoughts! :))
> 
> Check out my tumblr! @ in_a_pynch !! xx


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